Under control

I use this little time I have to write about how I feel lately. Life has been very beautiful to me since I came here. It is an amazing place to start this journey. It is still hard for me to adapt with all the changes that is happening but I always believe that everything will be better eventually.

I had a conversation with my friend today about the cruelty in my life. Although I know that my life is way better than those kids who starve to have food whereas I can still enjoy all the facilities that I have. But some people just know me, not my story. My life seems so perfect that none of them know that I am hurting inside. They can always see my smile and my laughter but I will never show my loneliness. Someone told me I am the only person she knows who is never mad at something. I do get mad. I just do not want to show it so that no one will get hurt for the words that I never meant to say. I used to be that person, but I have changed.

I still cannot adjust with all the situation that is happening. I still cannot find a way to speak up my mind. I am still that kind of person who sit down, listen, and observe. Nowadays, I tend to lose my confidence. I do not even believe in my ability anymore. I even keep on questioning myself do I have something that I can show, that differentiate me from others.

Call me a pesimistic, but I do not even know how I will pass this course. The problem is that I do not want to disappoint my parents, my friends, and all those people who believe in me. I do not mind if I let myself down, I really do. It seems like everyone hates me and I do not know why I just feel that way. Hopefully better days are coming, cause I really need miracles. For those who always stand by me, support me, I just want to say thank you. I appreciate and I love all of you.

Wish me luck on my test tomorrow! Hopefully it will be the turning point in my life. xoxo, MS.

"Always talking, but you cannot be heard"